a) Play the violin in harmony to your howling.
b) Explode.
c) Eat the next level down in the food chain.
d) Eat you (after first marinating you in a nice red wine).

2) Ask your pet "What is the square root of 81?" Does he reply . .

a) Rome
b) 9
c) Bugger off you moron
d) Texas, USA

3) If you put your pet in front of a mirror does he / she . .

a) Spend 2 hours applying every type of cosmetic ever produced
b) Recites a Shakespearian sonnet
c) Grab a microphone and sings "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Heart Club Band"
d) Eat the mirror

4) Your pet spends his time playing with . .

5) When confronted by a very loud noise, does your pet . .

a) Crap
b) Crap on you
c) Call his / her psychiatrist
d) Call your psychiatrist

6) Ask your pet "What is the capital of Rome?" Does he / she say . .

a) Scotland
b) Italy
c) Rome is a city you dumb twat
d) Hissssssssss

7) When you place a finger in front of your pet's mouth does he / she . .

a) Eat it
b) Draw a smiley face on it
c) Shag it
d) Look you directly in the eyes and say, "What the hell are you doing you moron?"

8) Which version of Microsoft Windows does your pet have on his / her computer?

a) 2003
b) 2k
c) NT
d) 69

9) If you dropped you pet from the top of a large building would he / she . .

a) Fly
b) Float
c) Fall
d) Fiddle

10) When you kiss your pet does he / she . .

a) Vomit
b) Kiss back with tongue
c) Go out for a Marriage Application Form

Important Disclaimer on pet intelligence testing: Not Mensa do not undertake testing of any sort on monkeys, rabbits, dogs, cats or any other animals with an I.Q. greater than that of our societies members. This is not because we are an humane society � rather we just do not have the skills to participate in cruel, pointless testing on clever creatures. We do however reserve the right to partake of sweet and sour chicken on club nights and to eat haggis, pork pies and sausage whenever we like. No member of Not Mensa will ever be asked to undertake brain surgery to lower their intelligence � however, any member who consistently scores more than 85 will be banned from the society until they bring their intelligence under control. Should you be stupid enough to join or email list we will not bombard you with emails or pass on your details to any 2^nd, 3^rd, 4^th or 5^th party. (Party includes hen nights, disco parties and stag nights) We do reserve the right to email members information that may be of a totally boring and pointless nature and may not make sense to even the author. We also reserve the right to modify the rights without notifying members or actually writing these modified rights on the membership handbook or this website. All email questions regarding membership rights or any other matter will probably be ignored � unless incredibly funny.

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