After you complete the
following I.Q. test we will provide you with a complete and accurate
assessment of your intelligence quotient and a complex analysis of your
personality and character.
Provided
your IQ meets our stringent entry requirements you will be offered free
lifetime membership of
notmensa and access to all the benefits and privileges
that this elitist interplanetary society provides.
1
The word
"letter" can be created
using letters from the alphabet.
True False
Don't know
2
The digits 121 are the same
as 212 read
backwards.
True
False
Can you repeat the question
3
How many oranges make a
pair.
2
None - these are totally
different types of fruit.
4
Which of the following proverbs is
closest in meaning to the saying, "You canny shove your granny off a
bus."?
"The grass is always greener after a coat of
paint"
"You
canny shove your granny off a bus."
"Don't judge a book unless you have a law
degree"
5
( 213 x 27 x 183 x
445 x 11 x 4 x 42 x 0 ) equals
a big
number 0
a secret address in Soho, London
6
If you divide 100 by 25, what will you
eat for breakfast?
Cornflakes
Bacon
4
7
If there are six amputees are in a
hospital. What is the total number of their legs?
0
2 4 6 33
8
If two men start at the same point and walk in the same direction for
22 metres. What is the distance, in metres,
between them?
11
44
0 Honest - they are just good friends!
9
The number 11 is the next logical
number in the following sequence of numbers: 11, 11, 11, 11, 11.
True False
I prefer history questions.
10
What is the
length of a piece of string? (Give the answer in kilogram - to the nearest
ounce)
33
34
37 I am agnostic so am unable to answer
11
Contained in
the word "in" there is a word which has just one letter. What is
it?
i
n
insanity
12
According to Einstein's
theory of Relatives, your partner's mother would be:
Space and
space-time are not rigid arenas in which events take place. They have form
and structure which are influenced by the matter and energy content of the
universe.
Your mother-in-law
A cross-dressing old faggot
13
During the time it
takes for a snail to crawl from point A to point C via point B how many
people are born into this joyous world? (Clue - point B is a pub and the
snail drops in for a few beers)
33
3.14159265
D
14
There are six-hundred elephants in a herd
of sheep. Some
have yellow and pink stripes, some are all green and some are all blue.
One third are pure pink. Who went crazy with the spray-paint?
The zookeeper
Picasso
An innocent bystander
Anarchists
15
Bob is taller than
Bill, and Bob's little brother is
taller than Stuart. Since Graham is not the tallest one of the four, then when
one is a midget?.
Bob
Alice
A small bloke
16
If pigs could fly
all hats would be made of reinforced concrete.
True False
Can I just guess
17
Of which country
is Rome the capital?
Scotland
New York
France
18
Which letter comes next in this series
of letters?
Y O U A R E B L O O D Y S T U P I
Z
D
99
19
A farmer owns 33
hens. Each is capably of laying 12 eggs each day but only 5 on Sundays.
Large eggs sell for 11 sheckles, medium eggs sell for
9 sheckles and small eggs for 4 sheckles. During
the 13 days fallowing Rogation Sunday the farmer collects all the eggs in
a pink basket. He eats 13% of the eggs and on the way to market he drops
5%. Allowing for natural disasters and thunderstorms, how many days are there
in a week?
924
sheckles
False
7 14 I
have a cat.
20
Which of these is the
odd one out?
odd
one
out
21
If it takes 1 man two hours to dig a
hole and 4 men 6 hours to dig 3 1/2 holes how many plumbers does it take
to mend a leaky tap?
12
4
(£200 call out charge + £120 per hour + £2300
parts) x (the first number that comes into his head)
22
What is the Standard Gaussian
Distribution of : Median Average Mean
three 24.546123 Who gives a damn
Quick Read This - Disclaimer: notMensa do not undertake tests on any sort of donkey, pig, rat,
mouse
or any other animals with an I.Q. greater than that of our societies members.
This is not because we are an humane society – no we just do not have the
skills to participate in cruel, pointless testing on intelligent creatures. We do
however reserve the right to partake of chicken curry on club nights
and to eat haggis, pork pies and kebabs whenever we like. No member of notMensa will ever be forced to undertake brain surgery to lower their intelligence
– however, any member who consistently scores more than 85 will be banned from
the society until they bring their intelligence under control. Should you be
stupid enough to join or email list we will not bombard you with emails or pass
on your details to any 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th
party. (Party includes stag nights, disco parties and hen nights) We do reserve
the right to email members information that may be of a totally boring,
irrelevant, of a completely pointless nature and may not make sense to even the author. We also reserve the
right to modify the membership rights without notifying members or actually writing these
modified rights on the membership handbook or this website. All email questions
regarding membership rights or any other matter will probably be ignored –
unless incredibly funny.
